Okay, so I need to catch you guys up on what's happened since my last post, "Big News", where I talked about K's Birthdad's reaction to, "Surprise, it's a girl!". I think the last thing I said was that he took it well and was supportive, but then sent text messages saying he needed to find her and basically wouldn't rest until he did. Obviously that wasn't going to happen & although I completely understand his need/want to know if she was safe, I would not in any way, shape or form, allow him to disrupt her life. So a few days later he and I spoke again & I knew I needed to explain things a little more. I told him that we didn't need to look for her because she had already written to me & we email each other so I know she is safe, happy & has a beautiful life.
My plan originally was to only tell him that she existed and that I felt he had a right to know, so if she ever wanted to look for him he would be ready. But when he began to insist on finding her and saying crazy shit like he was going to get a lawyer if necessary, I knew I had to do something to ease his mind. Hence me telling him that we email each other. He was relieved and happy to know that she was okay. He is really emotional about it all & even sweet about it, yet I don't trust him enough to tell him that K and I have spent all of this time together. By the things he has said, I feel that if he knew the extent of our relationship, he would feel he had a right to meet her too. He would be pushy about knowing more detailed information & that would just be unacceptable. Not to sound harsh, but he seems to think that the fact he never knew about her gives him some sort of right to know her now. Well, it doesn't! Not at this point in her life anyway. I've tried to explain to him that SHE has to be the one the initiate a relationship with him and that it's completely up to her and to her parents...not up to him! On that note, her parents have told me they don't think she's ready for any communication with him & they'd rather him not know any specific details (last name, where they live, agency info, etc.). I completely respect their decision and I agree. She is still a minor and none of this was supposed to happen until she was 18 anyway, so he will have to just be patient & really, he has no other choice.
I always absorb other peoples feelings and make them my own. I've started doing that with him too! After all of these years of guilt, I finally told him!! I should feel a sense of accomplishment and feel good-no, feel great-about that and I do, yet at times I find myself taking on his feelings of "want". I really need to take care of myself and my emotions for the first time and of course always do the right thing by K & her parents. I would protect them with my life if need be. I need to NOT make myself responsible for the way he feels. I did the right thing in my mind...I told him. He knows. He should be able to rest assured that she knows how to contact him if & when she wants to, and all he can do is wait. I waited for 15 years...I think he can handle this.