Tuesday, July 27, 2010

More Progress

I really can't believe how much has happened in the last 5 months!! 5 MONTHS!! For over 15 years I lived with this suffocating secret. This huge cross I dragged behind me everywhere I went. With every breath I took (or reminded myself to take), I inhaled more shame, more sadness. The thought of telling someone about, well, about me and my story, sent me into a severe panic attack and now...

Yesterday I talked to two of my friends that I literally lived with when I was 15. They actually introduced me and K's dad back in the day and we were like sisters...but then I left and detached from all of them. I couldn't deal with still having them in my life after what happened when K was born...I couldn't tell them or anyone for that matter. So needless to say, until yesterday neither of them knew I had this beautiful daughter. Since finding them on Facebook last year, we'd talk every now and then but I was still a little closed off...duh :) But I love those girls and I wanted to share this with them...so I did! WOW!! I can't believe this is me doing these things...talking, sharing and doing it without severe anxiety?!!?!?! What?? They were so blown away and SO supportive! They told me I was their family and they loved me & wish they could've been there for me. They couldn't believe how gorgeous K is and they are so excited for us!! I never knew how liberating living "your truth" could truly be. It's remarkable & I'm just learning how remarkable it really is.

In the last 5 months...I repeat...5...months, the following has happened: (eh-hem)
  • My daughter wrote to me & we began emailing each other
  • I told my best friend (who happens to be adopted herself!!!)
  • I told my brother (he never knew)
  • I confronted my parents & talked for the first time about my pain
  • I told my In-laws
  • I told her birth dad!!
  • I told friends that I never thought I'd tell
  • I went to Disneyland with HER!!
  • I met her family & her friends!!
  • I don't feel ashamed to be ME..along with a truckload of other emotions I've never felt or allowed myself to feel before...
Progress...pure progress. I'm truly amazed.



  1. Yay!! Only one thing comes to mind ~ "And the truth shall set you free". That is how I felt also after reunion, when I finally opened up the door & started coming out of the adoption closet.

    I'm glad things are going so well for you!