Yesterday I talked to two of my friends that I literally lived with when I was 15. They actually introduced me and K's dad back in the day and we were like sisters...but then I left and detached from all of them. I couldn't deal with still having them in my life after what happened when K was born...I couldn't tell them or anyone for that matter. So needless to say, until yesterday neither of them knew I had this beautiful daughter. Since finding them on Facebook last year, we'd talk every now and then but I was still a little closed off...duh :) But I love those girls and I wanted to share this with them...so I did! WOW!! I can't believe this is me doing these things...talking, sharing and doing it without severe anxiety?!!?!?! What?? They were so blown away and SO supportive! They told me I was their family and they loved me & wish they could've been there for me. They couldn't believe how gorgeous K is and they are so excited for us!! I never knew how liberating living "your truth" could truly be. It's remarkable & I'm just learning how remarkable it really is.
In the last 5 months...I repeat...5...months, the following has happened: (eh-hem)
- My daughter wrote to me & we began emailing each other
- I told my best friend (who happens to be adopted herself!!!)
- I told my brother (he never knew)
- I confronted my parents & talked for the first time about my pain
- I told my In-laws
- I told her birth dad!!
- I told friends that I never thought I'd tell
- I MET MY DAUGHTER!!!!!
- I went to Disneyland with HER!!
- I met her family & her friends!!
- I don't feel ashamed to be ME..along with a truckload of other emotions I've never felt or allowed myself to feel before...