Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Mother's Day in the past was always about standing in Target (or some other equally awesome store) trying really, really hard to pick out a card for Mom that didn't sound like a complete lie. I would love to get a card that said, You were always there for me, You picked me up when I was down, You were there in my darkest hour, but that totally didn't happen. I usually end up getting the Hope you have a wonderful day. But today folks there was no card to be picked out, there was no phone call, or text. This is the first Mother's Day I haven't talked to my mom. Regardless of how our relationship was or what it was based on, I don't remember a time that we just didn't speak at all (speak, not talk).

The last conversation we had was about 2 months ago & it's was about "the seeeecret". I was calling to tell her that I was disappointed (duh) in her reaction to my receiving K's letter. When I had spoken to her, about a week prior to tell her I'd gotten it, she was extremely matter-of-fact and just kind of a bitch, to be honest. There were a lot of "uh-huh's" and "oh that's nice". I never get angry at her or lose my temper, even after everything that's happened, but the fact that she never asked to see a picture of K, or ask what she looked like, or get even an ounce of emotion stuck in her throat for me, just told me that she really doesn't care. I finally saw it for what it was. But I hung up without making waves. I hung up feeling like I felt in that hospital room 15 years before. To make this phone call scenario even longer, I called her to tell her she basically hurt me & I wasn't willing to keep this a secret anymore. It was killing me!! Well, she didn't like that too much. This was the most horrible argument I've ever gotten into with anyone! She tore my ass apart and blamed me for everything that happened. Everything! I actually yelled back this time & told her that I was ONLY 15 and YOU WERE THE PARENT! She has no idea, nor do I think she really cares about what this has done to me. She's too busy worrying about defending herself. Anyway, that's why she didn't get a card, or a call, or a text.

Other than that, today was a really special Mother's Day & had a whole new meaning. I got an email from K saying Happy Mother's Day!!! That still feels like a dream! Her mom sent me a text saying she was thinking of me & of course my MIL is great and we talked for awhile. My brother, his g/f & their new baby are doing amazing and it was her first Mother's Day. That's a lot of good stuff, wouldn't you say?! I'm just overwhelmed by all this love! It's like nothing I've ever felt before.

Even though my mom is stuck on the dark side, I'll be waiting if she ever wants to come into the light. Well, only if my hubby doesn't drive a stake through her heart first. That was a joke...


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